Things can change

I would say that the tension is a little high in apartment six. I find it funny how quickly peoples opinions can change toward other people. It's starting to not be as funny anymore and yet I haven't found anyone that is miserable like I am. I told everyone that reads my blog that this wasn't going to be all fun and that I would be honest. So here the honesty comes out. The past few days haven't been my favorite. I miss home and my friends who understood me. I'm back to being that girl that always puts herself down and has nothing positive to say. Sorry world but that is who I am. In Cinci I had and yes still have people that understood my fears, understood my worries, understood how quickly my mood could change. It's really difficult to be with someone all the time and to have such a routine about your life and suddenly that person isn't there and your routine changes dramatically.  I don't think I'm understood by many people but I will try harder. I want to make friends and be liked by everyone but in reality is that even possible? I doubt it, I highly doubt it.


I do look forward to my many nights to come here. Whether it's drinking in front of the TV with my roommates or sitting outside by the roman ruins. I may be miserable, stressed, lonely and angry today but what about tomorrow? Will I take a tram to the beach or a bus to a waterfall? Will I get to explore the history of this beautiful city and learn to speak this romantic language? Yes, yes I will. I'm sure there are many bad days still to come, it's who I am. I would definitely say that I have more bad mood days than good mood days, but hey it's a part of  my life.

I hope this loneliness can soon subside and I find at least one person I can sit down with and drink some coffee and smoke a couple cigarettes and just talk. Talk about life, this amazing journey that is ahead of us and loneliness. Although I do not wish my loneliness upon anyone here in the program or actually anyone in this world, I truly hope to find that one lonely person that I can somehow relate to and then maybe just maybe that loneliness can disappear. I mean as Justin Vernon said, "oh the demons come can they can subside."  and what I say, I just have to "be ok", right?


I don't want to apologize for this sad depressing entry, what you have to understand is that yes as much as it pains me to admit, I am sad. I am depressed.